It’s All Right

You know how sometimes a song get stuck in your head? This week it was this one, comforting me over and over. Giving me perspective and lightening the load.

Well, it’s alright, ridin’ around in the breeze
Well, it’s alright, if you live the life you please
Well, it’s alright, doin’ the best you can
Well, it’s alright, as long as you lend a hand

Life gets a bit serious when I’m spending 37.5 hours a week intervening in people’s lives that are facing mental health challenges and crisis. It lands on me, and digs itself deep into my soul. While it “busies” my mind and body, running around the city, it’s the end of the line for some. That is where I’ve spent my time.

Standing in line.

Hungry for a burger while the homeless man in front of me didn’t have enough change for his. I threw a ten dollar bill on the counter, he turned and smiled as he passed back the change.

Don’t have to be ashamed of the car I drive (at the end of the line)
I’m just glad to be here, happy to be alive (at the end of the line)
And it don’t matter if you’re by my side (at the end of the line)
I’m satisfied

I get a car share – MODO – once or twice a month and go on outreach, to see my homebound folks, a elderly gentle man with brittle diabetes and mobility problems, who is schizophrenic. He’s worried about me coming to him because “it’s going to snow.” Meanwhile, it’s sunny and +6, but he heard it on the radio so that’s ok. He’s kind, gentle and doing his best.

Well, it’s alright, even if you’re old and grey
Well, it’s alright, you still got something to say
Well, it’s alright, remember to live and let live
Well, it’s alright, the best you can do is forgive

I get tired, physically exhausted and easily annoyed. Not a great state to be in when driving with a few hundred others feeling the same way. So I crank the tunes and roll down the window, catching glimpses of the magnificent mountains meeting the ocean as I cross the bridge. It’s Vancouver so there’s lots of bridges… In my mind I forgive and turn my energy to the positives about the people and events that annoy me the most. I shift gears in the car and in my perspective. It’s all in a day’s (or week’s) work.

Well, it’s alright, even if they say you’re wrong
Well, it’s alright, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well, it’s alright, as long as you got somewhere to lay
Well, it’s alright, everyday is judgment day

What I do and what I say, is constantly documented. Every word, every move I make, takes a bit of time. There in print, for everyone to read, to follow my approach to how and why and where. That’s always been a part of nursing, some days it’s annoying as fuck. Only cause it chews up my time, but has to be. I would rather just be in front of people, rather than a computer. The longer I nurse, the more the job is in front of a fucking computer. Ask me again how much I like computers!! One of the most critical parts of the job, is literally the most annoying.

Well, it’s alright (alright), riding around on the breeze
Well, it’s alright (alright), if you live the life you please
Well, it’s alright, even if the sun don’t shine
Well, it’s alright (alright), we’re going to the end of the line

I’d rather be sailing on the breeze, so I dream of summer time. It comes to me or I go to it. The last time in a warm winter was January 2020. Mexico, one of my first loves, all of it. Five hours and I’m there, warm on a beach and full of tacos. Stuck in winter with the pandemic, it’s ok even if the sun don’t shine. It’s ok cause all my loves are alive.

pri·or·i·tize: designate or treat (something) as more important than other things.

I get my head straight over cocktails with my work family. We laugh, we cry, we find a twisted way to deal. Comradery, in nursing is like comradery in war. Never knowing if you’ll win the battle, but winning a day, a moment where we did something that mattered, made a day or a life better.

Renewed, relieved, refreshed. All it takes is a 12 hour nap and I realize all over again how damn lucky I am.

So I’m going to the end of the line…